FML - F*** My Life

by xtine Tue Feb 10, 2009 2:31 pm

http://www.fmylife.com/

I figured if anyone could appreciate this, it'd be you guys.

by xtine Tue Feb 10, 2009 2:33 pm

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

by Honor Tue Feb 10, 2009 4:51 pm

Today, I went shopping at JCrew and got in line. When It was my turn, the cute cashier asked for my number. I responded "oh, I have a boyfriend." The cashier's response was "I need your number so JCrew can send you coupons." FML

by Honor Tue Feb 10, 2009 4:51 pm

holy shit epic fails abound

by big_jesus Tue Feb 10, 2009 4:54 pm

this
is
awesome

by xtine Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:04 pm

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

by xtine Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:05 pm

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

by xtine Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:08 pm

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

by xtine Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:20 pm

Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML

by Honor Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:50 pm

xtine wrote:Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML

oh man thats so horrible :roflmao:

by Aristotle Tue Feb 10, 2009 6:06 pm

this is the greatest thing ever.

by JaysonAych Tue Feb 10, 2009 6:46 pm

You and Wally should get on writing that blog...there's obviously a market for it.

by thewalrus Tue Feb 10, 2009 6:56 pm

JaysonAych wrote:You and Wally should get on writing that blog...there's obviously a market for it.

Too true. Especially now.

by Talon Tue Feb 10, 2009 8:17 pm

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML :roflmao:

by Tailhappy Tue Feb 10, 2009 9:38 pm

"Today, my friends and I go to a bar and proceed to get wasted. I walk around and see a kid. I start yelling, "There's a child in this bar! There's a CHILD in this BAR!" She turns around. She was a little person. FML"

BWAHAHAHAH!!

by Honor Tue Feb 10, 2009 10:49 pm

Talon wrote:Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

oh shit

by Omni Tue Feb 10, 2009 11:24 pm

xtine wrote:Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

by Omni Tue Feb 10, 2009 11:25 pm

xtine wrote:Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

:jay:

by Omni Tue Feb 10, 2009 11:27 pm

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

by Omni Tue Feb 10, 2009 11:28 pm

There is no way this happened:
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML

by Omni Tue Feb 10, 2009 11:31 pm

This one is so me:
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

by Omni Tue Feb 10, 2009 11:58 pm

Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML

by millertime Wed Feb 11, 2009 12:14 am

Omni wrote:Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML

I DONT BELIEVE IT

by Honor Wed Feb 11, 2009 1:42 am

Omni wrote:Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

by SBF Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:11 am

I have my own: It's 4 in the Morning and I'm back in the ER... FML.

by Olds Wed Feb 11, 2009 9:31 am

SBF wrote:I have my own: It's 4 in the Morning and I'm back in the ER... FML.

wha happened?

by SBF Wed Feb 11, 2009 11:49 am

Bullshit man, just bullshit, I fucking hate doctors; they go to school for 7 years to not have a fucking clue what's wrong with your body.

by thewalrus Wed Feb 11, 2009 12:30 pm

SBF wrote:Bullshit man, just bullshit, I fucking hate doctors; they go to school for 7 years to not have a fucking clue what's wrong with your body.

Know more than you do.

by thewalrus Wed Feb 11, 2009 12:45 pm

You know what? no, this attitude fucking pisses me off. The hundreds.. no, thousands of kids that my g/f helps, literally saving their lives . That's bullshit right? Not a fucking clue what's going on right? Don't know anything about what's wrong with their bodies right?

Sorry if you had a bad experience with a doctor. That doesn't mean for a second that they don't know anything (hey lets generalize some more!). Yeah, some cases are puzzle. Sometimes they can't help. That's life. We don't know everything there is to know about the human body, and it's doubtful we ever will. Illness and disease outpaces medical research hand over fist.

And it's 8 years of school plus a lot more if they specialize. Not 7 years.

by Talon Wed Feb 11, 2009 12:45 pm

thewalrus wrote:
SBF wrote:Bullshit man, just bullshit, I fucking hate doctors; they go to school for 7 years to not have a fucking clue what's wrong with your body.

Know more than you do.

That was a dick comment. I'd hope so after 7+ years of college... but if they can't fix him they're just as worthless.

by thewalrus Wed Feb 11, 2009 1:24 pm

Talon wrote:
thewalrus wrote:
SBF wrote:Bullshit man, just bullshit, I fucking hate doctors; they go to school for 7 years to not have a fucking clue what's wrong with your body.

Know more than you do.

That was a dick comment. I'd hope so after 7+ years of college... but if they can't fix him they're just as worthless.

Again, 8+ years of college, or didn't you read my last post.

And saying you "fucking hate doctors" is also a dick comment.

by big_jesus Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:24 pm

xtine wrote:Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML

haha he ended it with her i bet and she did that.

by big_jesus Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:25 pm

thewalrus wrote:
Talon wrote:
thewalrus wrote:
SBF wrote:Bullshit man, just bullshit, I fucking hate doctors; they go to school for 7 years to not have a fucking clue what's wrong with your body.

Know more than you do.

That was a dick comment. I'd hope so after 7+ years of college... but if they can't fix him they're just as worthless.

Again, 8+ years of college, or didn't you read my last post.

And saying you "fucking hate doctors" is also a dick comment.

only to you...

by xtine Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:38 pm

Today, I got fired because of the assault charges filed by a police officer that I hit while I was unconscious having a seizure. FML

by thewalrus Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:38 pm

big_jesus wrote:
thewalrus wrote:
Talon wrote:
thewalrus wrote:
SBF wrote:Bullshit man, just bullshit, I fucking hate doctors; they go to school for 7 years to not have a fucking clue what's wrong with your body.

Know more than you do.

That was a dick comment. I'd hope so after 7+ years of college... but if they can't fix him they're just as worthless.

Again, 8+ years of college, or didn't you read my last post.

And saying you "fucking hate doctors" is also a dick comment.

only to you...

No. Not just to me.

by big_jesus Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:42 pm

oh. oops. ok.

by thewalrus Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:45 pm

big_jesus wrote:oh. oops. ok.

Yeah man. It's totally normal, rational, and non-dickish to say you "fucking hate" an entire profession. I forgot. Fuck me. Epecially a profession that actually does a lot of good. What the fuck was I thinking. You're right, of course. Maybe we should all just be condescending pricks who hate everything 100% of the time.

by big_jesus Wed Feb 11, 2009 4:00 pm

dude
i have personally read you gripe, complain, bash, and pick apart vast general swaths of types of people which is no less ridiculous.

it's an internet forum. someone had to go to ER, and is entirely scared and unsatisfied. maybe, just maybe you could grow a split moment of humanity for someone who you know that is going through that and ignore an uttered generality (that he may not mean as literally as you took it) to try to find out what's wrong with a generally good guy's health to make him so upset. OR you could get butthurt and BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
about fucking KIDS who NOBODY KNOWS (not even you, in all probability, although i don't know that) being healed by NOT YOU but your awesome doctor girlfriend who knows more than the guy who may have recently thought (and may still think) that his (or his loved one's) fucking LIFE is in danger.

dude, this whole fucking forum is entirely based around the concept of being condescending pricks who hate everything 100% of the time. like people who whisper in the office etc. etc.

by JaysonAych Wed Feb 11, 2009 4:01 pm

thewalrus wrote:
big_jesus wrote:oh. oops. ok.

Yeah man. It's totally normal, rational, and non-dickish to say you "fucking hate" an entire profession. I forgot. Fuck me. Epecially a profession that actually does a lot of good. What the fuck was I thinking. You're right, of course. Maybe we should all just be condescending pricks who hate everything 100% of the time.

If you had to go to the ER twice and have doctors either give you an incorrect diagnosis or indicate they have no clue what's going on, depending on the situation SBF is in, you too might be a bit scared and upset and lash out.

by thewalrus Wed Feb 11, 2009 4:16 pm

big_jesus wrote:dude you are being the single biggest hypocrite in the fucking world right now and if you think about it you may well STFU.

i have personally read you gripe, complain, bash, and pick apart vast general swaths of types of people which is no less ridiculous.

it's an internet forum. someone had to go to ER, and is entirely scared and unsatisfied. maybe, just maybe you could grow a split moment of humanity for someone who you know that is going through that and ignore an uttered generality (that he may not mean as literally as you took it) to try to find out what's wrong with a generally good guy's health to make him so upset. OR you could get butthurt and BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
about fucking KIDS who NOBODY KNOWS (not even you, in all probability, although i don't know that) being healed by NOT YOU but your awesome doctor girlfriend who knows more than the guy who may have recently thought (and may still think) that his (or his loved one's) fucking LIFE is in danger.

dude, this whole fucking forum is entirely based around the concept of being condescending pricks who hate everything 100% of the time. like people who whisper in the office etc. etc.

Hey, you know what? Fuck you. I have full sympathy for SBF, and whatever he's going through. yeah, I know it can be fucking tough. But no, I'm not going to just fucking ignore general insults about a group of professionals I have a ton of respect for simply because someone's has a bad experience. Full sympathy to SBF, and I sure don't hold anything against him for what he said either.

And you're right, I have made large, baseless, generalizations about whole groups of people before. And you know what, YOU CALLED ME OUT ON IT. YOU DID. (see, I can type in capitals too!). I remember at least a couple of times last year you doing that - right in the middle of my articling year where I was fucked up, and pissed off, and not thinking straight. And you know what else? You were right to do it.

Oh, one other thing. When I complain about people doing stupid shit - like semi-whispering in offices - I'm talking about the acts. NOT the people. If someone wants to complain about incompetent Doctors I won't have thing one to say about it.

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