I AM A God! Ladies and Gentlemen I give you The Falcon Manifesto thread

[Bluntman]

I searched and searched and I have found it.I feel like Charlie in Willie Wonka And The Chocolate Factory when he found the golden ticket.
http://www.automobileforum.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=5386&hl=

[TheWoerus]

"I kick ass at psychology stuff..."


aahahaha gold.

[Bluntman]

His title is "Black homosexual smoker".
Pants had to do that.

[JaysonAych]

His place in internet lore is still cemented at Urban Dictionary though it slipped to the #2 definition since the last time I saw it

[JaysonAych]

And I sure as HELL wouldnt fly to meet a chick. Fuck it, they can come to me. And Id expectd sex during the time of the meeting. If none happened, any motivaiton to contunue to bullshit along with it would be diminished

(at TGI Friday's, in the middle of appetizers, Falcon unzips and plops his hog onto the table, beckons at it as if he placed a MilkBone down in front of a starving dog.)

[dunnas]

His place in internet lore is still cemented at Urban Dictionary though it slipped to the #2 definition since the last time I saw it

Impressive, but I still take the prize when it comes to AF references used to describe the meaning of words. No AF members were responsible for posting it either.


http://wordlust.blogspot.com/2006/12/cameltoeriffic.html

[JaysonAych]

hahaha that's awesome

[Omni]

His place in internet lore is still cemented at Urban Dictionary though it slipped to the #2 definition since the last time I saw it

I just voted it up. We all need to do so.

[dunnas]

Script-blocker was blocking the thumbs up and down icons. I've voted now though.

[big_jesus]

voted.

[big_jesus]

THIS IS LONG. BE PATIENT, READ CAREFULLY & PLEASE DONT SKIM!

Hey there! Im Alan & if youre reading this its because I sent it to you so you can find out all about me. If you are unwilling or unable to meet or date a guy off the internet, dont bother to continue & waste your time & mine. As I say above, please read it all because youll miss a lot if you skim. Itll only take you like 7 minutes unless youre a slow reader.

Who I am

Im a fit, in shape guy in the Phx metro area, Arizona, USA. Where beyond that would be revealed later. Im 5.11 with short, neat, dark hair & brown eyes. Ive been variously complemented on my arms, voice, eyes, butt and stomach. However, I feel Im an ordinary average looking guy, take it or leave it. Youll just have to see for yourself. Currently, Im rated as a 7.2 by 2682 ladies on a “rate me” website. Ive never been married, gotten a chick pregnant or cheated. I dont smoke, have tats or piercings & Im disease free. Ive NEVER tried drugs or alcohol of ANY kind EVER! Ive never been arrested, declared bankruptcy, been fired from a job, shoplifted or undergone psychiatric treatment. Ive never spent a dime on porno, set foot in a titty bar, solicited a prostitute, gone to a sex club or been to a sex toy store voluntarily. I DO NOT & WILL NOT cyber & I DONT visit porn sites! I dont want to talk about it or watch, I freakin want to do it, ok? I have a FIRM belief in God, Creation and Jesus as Savior. However, I have an EQUALLY firm belief in Evolution as an ONGOING process Created BY God. I have only been to church three times for two weddings and a funeral. Were I to go, Id be Baptist. I have little regard for and give little credence to Mormonism or Catholicism. I have NO regard for any weird, wacky religions or "alternative theologies" such as Wicca, New Age, occult, Satanism, Jehovahs or Scientology. I feel that Judaism, Christianity and Islam are three parts of the same whole. Anything outside of that is invalid and irrelevant. Im not a psycho, sicko, freak or weirdo. Im interesting, colorful & dynamic. Im a fun, funny guy, who likes to laugh & make people laugh & I do so easily & often. Im not afraid to act silly or goof off. Im impassioned, passionate & affectionate. Ive been told that Im a nice, sweet, great guy, but you will have to decide for yourself. I love to cuddle, kiss & make out & Im not shy about that in public either. Ive been told more than a few times Im a great kisser. Im a man of quality character. A man of principles such as Honesty, Integrity & Discipline. I dont tolerate weakness, indecision or dishonesty well at all. I have an iron will. I have no secrets, baggage, or skeletons. There is no ambiguity or mystery about me. What you see is what you get. Ive been told though, on various occasions, that Im a complex person & I suppose its true. People never have to guess where they stand with me though. If who I am & what I am isnt good enough....OH WELL!...its not MY loss. Im also a serious guy, obviously. I call myself the raging bull in the French china shop of life. Im articulate, outspoken & intelligent. I enjoy discussing, debating, & arguing about history, politics, current events, & social topics. Politically, Im a STAUNCH Conservative with three Liberal views, pro abortion, pro environment but not in a Greenpeace way and anti big business but not in a Socialist way. Im a good listener & VERY perceptive. I kick ass at psychology stuff & I have a talent, a skill, a knack & an ability for therapy, counseling & advice. I have helped more than few ladies with problems they had.

Stuff I like

1st, anything with engines, wheels or wings, planes, trains or automobiles. Foremost then, are automotive activities, shows, auctions, & races (Formula 1 the most), in person or on TV. I collect automobilia like posters, sales lit & ads, & diecasts. I collect other items besides the car stuff as well. Music is also a big interest. I love karaoke & Im fairly good. Im certainly entertaining! I took guitar lessons for 3 years in high school/college & I still have all my gear. I have a wide taste in music, but I love classic rock the most. Also 50,s rock, 80,s retro, blues, big bands, some classical, a little jazz and things like Riverdance and bagpipes. I cant stand country except for dead performers like Jim Reeves, Marty Robbins, Patsy Cline, & John Denver among others. I dont like rap (except for the funny, abusive ones), hip hop, R&B & I hate Prince (although hes a GREAT guitarist). I dont like relatively new or modern music like Korn, Limp Dipsht, DMB, Linkin Park, POD, Puddle of Mudd, etc. I like some of the female artists like Sarah McLachlan, Mariah, Sheryl Crow (hate her politics though), Celine Dion & the new, young songwriter chicks like Michelle Branch. I CANT STAND Madonna, Courtney Love, Melissa Etheridge or Avril Lavigne. Fav bands in order are: Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Who, Rush, U2, The Doors, & ABBA. Others I like are Def Lep, Van Halen (w/Sammy the most), The Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, Queen, Genesis, Jehtro Tull, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Seger, Tom Petty, CCR, ZZ Top & Metallica to name a few. I like air shows, photography, astronomy & science stuff. I like outdoor activities such as hiking & trail biking. I want to blade, bungee and skydive at some point. I love watching the monsoon storms and just otherwise being outside cloud watching. Each year I go to the AZ Highland games in Mesa most especially to watch the pipe band competition. I dont watch sports except for Grand Slam tennis (go Jennifer Capriati!). Id love to learn and get good at that. I hate baseball, golf, college sports & that dumb ass WWE! I have a fondness for things Australian (including the ladies!). Im going to visit for at least a month & would LOVE to stay for good. Finally, I love Italian food, hate Mexican, like Pepsi not Coke & love milk. I dont drink coffee. I love blue, hate red. I like black and yellow on cars, hate silver, grey and “dirt” colors.

What Im looking for

Im seeking a love connection with a lady I can, ideally, live with. One who is not afraid of that or against it. I want to go to sleep each night and wake up each morning next to the woman I love who loves me with her in my arms. I dont have to be married however. I can easily live with a woman for the rest of my life and not be married. However, Im not anti marriage. To me though, its for life & I will not be a divorce statistic. Im not going to have a woman wake up in 10 years, roll over & tell me, "Honey, I dont love you anymore, I want a divorce". BULLshit! She better kill me or have me killed cause she aint gonna get one from me! Anyway, the lady I seek doesnt smoke, since I find that contemptible & reprehensible. Its AUTOMATIC disqualification. Whats the purpose of inhaling poisonous hot gas? To me, its a sign of weakness. It goes without saying that drug use, NO matter the kind or frequency is also immediate disqualification. You MIGHT make the booty buddy list, but not likely. If you have a drug past, that may or may not preclude you from the love connection list, I would just have to decide case by case. Also, she has no tats or piercings (besides ears). I dont think they are dignified or lady like. If youre willing to graffiti yourself or self inflict stab wounds, what else are you willing to do? Its becoming an all too common cliche now anyway, so again, whats the point? However, if you have one or the other or more than one of either, keep reading, exceptions can be made unless you have your tongue stabbed. I WILL NOT kiss a chick with a piece of steel in her mouth, so if you are unwilling to remove it, you can stop here. Otherwise, if you have multiple tats or piercings or both, Id only consider you for a hook up or booty buddy. Continuing, the lady I seek doesnt have kids & doesnt want them. I dont want them myself. I dont like them. I feel they take up too much time, money, effort & energy. Also, in a relationship, I want my lady & me one on one, NO interruptions or distractions & thats impossible with kids underfoot. I must say I am growing rather weary of every womans incessant need to breed. Why do they feel they have to birth a child to be a complete woman? Must they have a biological trophy to validate their femininity? If you have (a) kid(s), we can talk, meet, hang out, hook up, etc, but theres no future in it. However, if youre close to my age, your kids are likely self sufficient, high school or college age, so in that case were all good. Anyway, its for these reasons I find myself still single. I havent been constantly single however, so dont think this has kept me away from women throughout my life. I dont have a specific type of lady I go for. I have a wide taste for looks, size & shape. There are, however, things that are a bonus. Loooong hair, blondes & esp redheads, ladies close to my height or taller than me, nice hands & nails, Asian or Latina ladies & fit ladies. If youre a single digit pant size or can comfortably shop at 5-7-9, thats the kind of fit Im talking about. Two turn ons are ladies that smell good &/or have a nice, sweet voice...OHH MY! Ralph Lauren Ralph, Romance, Liz Claiborne, Liz Sport, Liz Mambo, Vera Wang and Gucci are some of my fav scents. There are others as well that I dont know the names of. I also love chicks who wear black, ESP the LBD or a short black skirt with black hose. Finally, if youre a good kisser that puts you ahead of the rest. Believe it or not, Ive met more than a few ladies who need to go back to makeout school. Also, if your attending college or have a degree, that is a MAJOR plus. I freakin LOVE smart chicks who are well spoken and like to talk about “smart” stuff. Keep in mind though, that you DONT HAVE to have all or even many of these features. While I am seeking a serious love connection, if I encounter women that arent & who just want to be booty buddies thats fine, I certainly wont turn my back on that. Im seeking love, sex or preferably both & Im not ashamed to say so either. Im not, however, seeking friends, unless its with benefits. If a lady is good enough to be my friend, shes good enough for me to date. If she cant or wont it wouldnt work since Id always wonder why we couldnt and always try to convince her we could.

Stuff that bugs me (about chicks)

I dont like ladies that:
Are focused on image, career, job or money, theirs OR mine. Yes, I hope & expect that youre employed as am I, but I dont like & wont deal with career driven chicks. I wont come second to your job as you will not come second to mine. Along these lines, Im getting REAL tired of meeting endlessly busy women. Whats the deal here? You ladies act like sharks. If youre not busy & dont keep moving youll die? How is a guy supposed to get to know you & meet you if you have every spare minute planned & booked up? It gets old & its ridiculous because much of whats keeping you busy is needless crap.
Shy, timid, mousy chicks. Conversely, however, I dont like brassy, ballsy, loud mouthed bitches either.
Countrified redneck chicks, bi chicks or chicks who WrITe like tHiS or type with wit, wiv, wut, wot, ur, peeps, etc.
Chicks who write chow when they mean ciao.
Prissy, high maintenance chicks. Either mentally, emotionally or financially. I will NOT finance romance nor buy love. If thats what you seek, move on. Its a liberated age ladies, so you can liberate your OWN cash.
Dumb, aimless, shiftless, airheady chicks or chicks with no common sense even if they are “book smart”.
Whiny, pacifist, Liberal bitches.
Lastly, Im tired of meeting chicks with no license or no car or neither of both or a car that doesnt work or chicks who cant, wont or dont drive. Im SICK of being the taxicab.
Chicks that dont suck head or suck but dont swallow. Its like cake without icing, pointless.

Coda

I want to point out that if you dont like what youve read here, thats fine, just move along. Theres no need or reason for you to say so, why you feel that way, or why you think its wrong or youre right. I dont care, nor do I need your thumbnail analysis. Anything you might have to say Ive heard innumerable times before & it just wastes both our time.

[big_jesus]

no... NOOOOO!!!! jayson's tapestry! it's GONE!

[big_jesus]

[TheWoerus]

no... NOOOOO!!!! jayson's tapestry! it's GONE!

That thing.... it was so beautiful.

[xtine]

"I call myself the raging bull in the French china shop of life."

[Pete.Z]

Again, do I have care written on my face? Bottom line is, Im a faceless entity on here. None of you know me personally nor ever will. Aside from random pics, you are faceless entities wholl Ill never know or meet either. People who really DO get upset or bothered by things like this or other "gettin pwned" shit have a major lack of confidence and image issues of their own. Yep, I was bothered as I say by the lack of respect and propriety this shows. But fuck it, its done, youre all amused and now Im legend. Doesnt matter if its "negative", but just like ALOT of my posts on here, Im generating dozens of responses and Im IN your thoughts and on your minds. What does that say about you? Ive had worse shit happen to me on other boards that have equally resulted in creating an unforgettable, infamous, legendary status. As you should all clearly see be my behavior to date, I DONT really care what people think or I wouldnt do ALOT of what I do on here. But, what I do is just how I am. Here, there, anywhere. In person, on the phone or in this "virtual reality" that as I say, in the end means nothing. This will go on for days, be talked about in chat for days and in IMs and then some new shit will come along. Ill still post and that will be that.

He was not only weird,but probably dangerous too.
Any unsolved mass slaughters lately in the Phx metro area?

[Pete.Z]

His title is "Black homosexual smoker".
Pants had to do that.

Lol,that was me.

[zdc_LarryRX]

ALOT is two words.

[Bluntman]

His title is "Black homosexual smoker".
Pants had to do that.

Lol,that was me.

Wow I didn't know you had it in you Pete.That was perfect.

[Pete.Z]

His title is "Black homosexual smoker".
Pants had to do that.

Lol,that was me.

Wow I didn't know you had it in you Pete.That was perfect.

Falco always did bring out the worst in me.
I even tried to be nice for him when he bought his Mustang,but it felt not right. :jay:

[TheWoerus]

His title is "Black homosexual smoker".
Pants had to do that.

Lol,that was me.

Wow I didn't know you had it in you Pete.That was perfect.

Falco always did bring out the worst in me.
I even tried to be nice for him when he bought his Mustang,but it felt not right. :jay:

Yeah, same here. I tried, but he was just a little too racist and weird for me.

[Bluntman]

I don't have to stalk my woman.

[JaysonAych]

no... NOOOOO!!!! jayson's tapestry! it's GONE!

It's never gone...it's just sometimes...not there.

Anyway, if you go back and look, you'll now see it. Tinypic'd for posterity.

[JaysonAych]

And what the hell...let's put it here too...

[Pete.Z]

That was and is so fucking brilliant.

[JaysonAych]

Thank you thank you

[xtine]

[TheWoerus]

I never thought I'd see that again. Hilarious.

[Bluntman]

I wonder if he ever saw the tapestry.Another good one would be in like ghetto slang.But he is not around to see it.But great job on that Jay.

[The_Edge]

And what the hell...let's put it here too...

[Sleaze]

Good god that was painful. . .

[TheWoerus]

Good god that was painful. . .

Just the way you like it.

[Sleaze]

Good god that was painful. . .

Just the way you like it.

I hope that answers it all. .

[TheWoerus]

Good god that was painful. . .

Just the way you like it.

I hope that answers it all. .

Actually, yes. Perfectly.

[Turbofrog]

[quote="The_Edge"]

And what the hell...let's put it here too...

Ahahaha, I'm not sure I've ever actually seen that. Brilliant!

[GregTX]

god falcon was such a tool.

searching through the rotting corpse of AF can yield some jewels to loot.

[TheWoerus]

god falcon was such a tool.

searching through the rotting corpse of AF can yield some jewels to loot.

Man it's like flipping through an old year book. It's kind of fun. I have to admit I've had some changes in heart over the years. Kind of funny looking back at when I was trying to rectify my personality with what I thought was a necessary quest for wealth and power. Simply couldn't last in retrospect.

[GregTX]

god falcon was such a tool.

searching through the rotting corpse of AF can yield some jewels to loot.

Man it's like flipping through an old year book. It's kind of fun. I have to admit I've had some changes in heart over the years. Kind of funny looking back at when I was trying to rectify my personality with what I thought was a necessary quest for wealth and power. Simply couldn't last in retrospect.

you were insane. glad to hear that you're orienting your life into what makes you happy, endless degrees and academia.

[Aristotle]

thank god jayson kept a copy of the tapestry.

[TheWoerus]

god falcon was such a tool.

searching through the rotting corpse of AF can yield some jewels to loot.

Man it's like flipping through an old year book. It's kind of fun. I have to admit I've had some changes in heart over the years. Kind of funny looking back at when I was trying to rectify my personality with what I thought was a necessary quest for wealth and power. Simply couldn't last in retrospect.

you were insane. glad to hear that you're orienting your life into what makes you happy, endless degrees and academia.

+1

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